By Ellen Truschel.
Do you ever feel like your spouse just doesn’t get you? Or that you walk away from what was supposed to be an enjoyable conversation but instead spiraled into an argument? Do you ever ask yourself – What just happened here?! Well if you’ve been married for any length of time you probably have experienced all of these situations.
Most arguments begin when someone doesn’t feel listened to, heard, understood or cared for. When we feel understood we tend to walk away from the conversation feeling satisfied and connected. Likewise when we don’t feel understood we tend to feel frustrated, and either we repeat what was said perhaps a little differently or just say it louder. Which doesn’t usually go very well.
One of the most important things you can do in a conversation that instantly creates connection is VALIDATION. Validation doesn’t necessarily mean agreement. What it means, and does, is let the other person know that you get where they are coming from and leaves them feeling understood, valued and important.
People often think they are validating the other person however if you’re using the word “BUT” or maybe you are offering your “better idea” — it’s probably not validation. Validation sounds like, “You make a good point”, or “You make sense”, or “I get where you’re coming from”, or “That’s interesting – Thanks for giving me another perspective to think about”.
So, the next time you’re in a conversation, make sure you practice the art of validation. It may be just what your relationship needs. So, Yes I’m challenging you, not to just ponder these ideas in your heart, but to also act on them and ask yourself… What will YOU do for love?